Attachement (issues)

Between GM and CD we have a pretty big extended family and since LML came home, we have studiously taken pictures of family members, with and without LML. We have pictures on the walls, and a number of photo albums including two that are specifically LML’s, helping to record her ‘history’ as we go along.

LML is a very affectionate child, and has seen us, her parents, model affection and loving towards each other and her and other members of her family. LML has not yet figured out that this has boundaries. She will kiss a drunken stranger as readily as her mummy or daddy. People on buses tend to adore her, as she smiles and waves and laughs and says hello and goodbye.

In preparation for a visit from CD’s parents, who we see a few times a year, we look at the pictures on the walls, at the photo albums – “look LML, Nan, Granddad.” “LML, look, Nan – nana is coming to visit” … and so we go on, for a few days.

CD takes LML to the station to meet his parent’s from the train. He finally spots them and points them out to LML. She takes off in their direction shouting “nannie” at the top of her lungs and flies into their arms. They are so pleased, so happy that this child that they have so wholeheartedly welcomed into their lives and family, is so happy to see them, so affectionate and excited to see them, despite it being four or five months since the last visit, and only the fourth time they have seen each other since LML came home.

CD looks on with a smile, enjoying his parents pleasure in his child, but never quite being able to turn off the alarm bell in his head.

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sibling revelry

“aaaagh!” doink!

“aaaaaaaaaaagh!” doink!

“eeeeeeeh!” doink!

“oooooh!” doink

“doing!!!!!”

LML’s brothers come to visit. LML worships he older brother J but treats her younger brother D with disdain.

Once a month or so we meet up and a delightful mayhem descends on wherever we are located. The noise levels, as the three of them charge about the place, turns heads and generally induces tuts. That is when we are out and about, when we are at home it more often than not indulgent smiles.

It is always lovely to see them, even if the after effect is a headache.

Go Fish!

“ook!” instructs LML “OOK!”

She holds out a pack of ‘In the Night Garden’ flash cards to CD.

“You’ve been climbing those shelves again, haven’t you?” he asks as he sits down with LML, taking the offered cards from her. LML has always had a bit of a ‘problem’ with flash-cards, puzzles – well, to be honest, any adult-led cognitive play.

So CD tentatively sorts out 3 of the cards and lays them face up, in front of LML. CD identifies the characters, ‘Upsy Daisy , Igglepiggle, Makka Pakka’. He then turns the cards over and asks, ‘Where’s Upsy Diasy?”

LML immidiatley points to the correct card and turns is over. “Well done LML!” exclaims CD.

He then asks for Igglepiggle and LML guesses correctly, then Makka Pakka.

Trying his luck he finds a Pontipines card in the pack, as he does so GM joins the game.

“Look mummy, look how clever LML is” CD states confidently.

With the four cards laid out in a square he identifies each one to LML then turns them over.

“Where’s Igglepiggle? he enquires.

LML hand moves straight over the card then pauses. She picks it up and ensures that it stays face down. Then with a flourish, and a big smile to mummy and daddy, she reveals the correct card.

“Wow! Well done LML. Can you find the “Pontipines?”

And again, with a flourish, she reveals the card.

Makka Pakka and Upsy Daisy follow with equal theatricality.

Then that’s the end of it. LML’s concentration has been broken and she’s off to investigate something else.

CD and GM look at each other. “Wow!”

“Wow indeed.”

Paint

GM is round the back of the house, planting the sweetcorn in the vegetable bed, CD is at the front, putting the first coat of paint on the front door. LML runs through the house, runs around the side – she runs from parent to parent, offering ‘help’, wanting to be involved. GM is showing her how dig the hole to plant up the vegetables, when CD calls LML to the front – the next door neighbour has come home from walking the dog, and he knows that LML would not want to miss saying ‘hello’.

LML runs through the house to the front. She says hello to the dog and the neighbour, she plays with her pushchair, she tries to help CD with the painting and generally plays and babbles. CD, GM and the neighbour chat and watch, sometimes passing comment on LML’s actions.

On the porch is a ceramic plant pot which is used by the only smoker of the household (big sis) to dispose of her disgusting butt-ends. LML runs over to it and picks it up – it is not a small pot and practically fills her arms. GM says what she has always said when LML approaches this pot – “ah-ah; Dirty. Leave it alone LML – Dirty!”. This usually has the desired effect, but this time was different …

LML pauses, pot in arms. She looks at GM, she glances at CD, and then with a big smile at the neighbour she launches it as far and as hard as she can …

CRASH!

… Fag ends, ash and shards of ceramic pot fly in every direction

POP!

… GM roars at LML

WHOOOSH!

… LML runs past CD, giggling and grabbing. She gets hold of the paint brush as she hurtles past him

SPLAT!

… In her haste she falls – there is white exterior undercoat on the brand new carpet

“Arrrgg – That Is IT … to bed … RIGHT NOW”

cleanliness is next to…

pitter patter, pitter patter…

“LML?”… “What are you doing?”

“What’s that in you hand?… Oh, for god’s sake LML, you’re supposed to tell mummy and daddy when you’ve had a poo!!”

building for the future

LML didn’t know what to make of the big box waiting in the hall. She slapped it and bashed it. She drummed it and thrummed it. But it didn’t reveal it’s contents. Over the past couple of days it’s presence has seemed to grow bigger than it’s size. Then today, after GM had returned from the Chelsea Flower Show, all was revealed.

GM and CD peeled back the tape and moved the pieces upstairs to LML’s room. It didn’t take her long to work out what is was. “Baby” she said, “Baby”. She was soon putting ‘cheeky monkey’ into the base of the cot.

“Baby” she said pointing at her favourite soft toy laying there.

“Little Sis’s cot” say GM and CD almost in unison.

Nesting #2

As the door closes big sis let’s out a ‘whoop’ and cheers.

The golf clubs that have been taking room up under her bed, collecting dust for the past five years, have just been picked up by a ‘freecycler’ – that’s another of the big items to go.

The clear out is off to a good start, there’s just the big cupboard in LML’s bedroom to sort out, the big TV to get rid off, the broken printer, the bags of clothes, the carpet, the stuff behind the settee, the bike in need of repair  …

Too Much Pressure

Late Friday night.

Crap Dad picks himself of settee and goes into the dinning room to say goodnight to Grumpy Mum, who is at the computer. As he wanders in he sees her sitting there with her head in her hands.

“Are you all right love?”

Big heaves of the shoulders and anguished sobs.

“I feel so upset and powerless, so angry and frustrated. I just want to go on adoption leave and still have a job. I don’t want to be unemployed with two small children. How on earth will we manage?”

“I know my love. It’s hard, I know. We’ll be all right, whatever the outcome. Don’t let the bastards get you down. It’s late… lets go to bed. It’ll look different in the morning.”

Early Saturday morning

No, it doesn’t.

Agent Provocateur

“ook, Ook!”, LML says as she grabs CD’s hand and pulls him from his chair leading him to the sitting room. As he walks in he sees the TV angled towards LML’s child sized table and chairs. ‘LCD screens are too light, she’d have never been able to do that with an old fashioned TV’ he thinks.

“ook, OOK!”, LML says as she grabs CD’s hand and pulls him in the direction of the sitting room. As he enters the room LML runs over to her table and chair and points at her fruit bowl, which is now full of ground coffee.” CD looks in the kitchen to see the freezer door wide open. ‘We need to find a way to attach that child safety lock’ he thinks.

“ook, Ook!”, LML says as she grabs CD’s hand and pulls him in the direction of the dinning room. LML runs over the window which looks out onto the garden and points at the remains of her lunchtime vanilla yoghurt smeared over it. ‘I knew I should have cleared that away earlier’ he thinks.

…..’She’s been quiet for sometime’ thinks CD. He walks upstairs to find that despite an hook and eye well above LML’s height she has managed to get into the bathroom. She is kneeling on a box her hands covered in hair wax and the window daubed in the blue gunk. “ook, OOK!” she says pointing at the mess she’d made of the windowsill.

‘I’ll be glad when GM gets home from work today’ he thinks.

Highs and lows

Having had a charming start to the day, the rest was what you could call ‘mixed’.

GM had the usual start to her working week, catching up with colleagues and emails, but all was overshadowed with a mix of excitement and dread – there were two meetings to attend …

1pm – meet with Little Sis’s SW and CD to sign the forms that get us to the next stage (Matching Panel) and deliver them, (with SW) into the hands of the panel’s administrator. The deadline was today, the SW was on the phone to us at 10pm last night discussing the paperwork and at 11pm we were completing our section of the form. Getting them in before the 5pm deadline today felt like an incredible relief and achievement. Assuming everything is as it should be, we’re going to Matching Panel on the 3^rd June – yippee! Little Sis should be home by the end of June.

2pm – meet with line manager, GM tells her the likely time scales for going on adoption leave and goes on to say that she is taking a grievance out against her and two other managers. GM tells her that she has no other option as she believes that she is being subjected to indirect Sex discrimination. That her employer has failed to enter into proper negotiations or consultation  (regarding their view that her post is becoming redundant), has failed to follow proper procedures, and has left her feeling bullied and victimised. A seven page grievance letter is handed over at the end of the meeting and then emailed to other the other parties involved. (OUCH!)

4.20pm Pick up LML from nursery. She runs towards GM, arms wide, “Mummy, mummy, MUMMY!!!” she shouts as she crashes into GM’s arms.