The slumber of babes

5 07 2009

It’s 11 am and LML slumbers in her mothers arms.

As she drifts away, she wonders why mummy and daddy are so grumpy. And what is it with this ‘Little Sis’ creature – when is she going back to the car that used to come with her?

She sucks her thumb and snuggles into the ample breast of Mummy. All the colours and sounds of the farmers market flicker through her memory, and with the images come the feelings – the desire to touch everything, the urge to run from one interesting thing to the next. The need to be picked up for a better view, to be put down, to get closer – to touch oh to touch, to taste, to feel. The frustration, the familiar sensation of the arched back, the arms pushing against daddy – ‘put me down put me down’ but he doesn’t understand.

Flick flick flick … it’s earlier, she has been sitting on mummy’s knee, thumb in mouth, the comfort of ‘suck’, a familiar DVD. She feels safe and content. Mummy goes away and returns with the ‘Little Sis’ . The Little Sis is funny and she laughs at her and mummy smiles at her and gives her a kiss, then mummy goes away again. The Little Sis crawls after Mummy, who calls out in a sing song voice “Little Sis, Little Sis, breakfast time”. She’s feels confused; breakfast time was ages ago, we’ve done that, she goes to see what is happening. Mummy is making something special for the Little Sis – not the same as her own breakfast – anticipation comes next – the Little Sis is going to go to the special chair, and Mummy will sit with her. The frustration bursts out and the item she is holding flies through the air, and she has Mummy’s attention again for a moment. “yaberyabberblahblah” she repeats back to her Mummy, who laughs (agreeing that she does sound like that).

Flick flick … Mummy is not looking at her, even though she is smiling and chattering. Mummy is looking at the Little Sis, she is laughing and smiling. Putting a spoon in the mouth of Little Sis. ‘My Mummy!’ she thinks and goes behind the special chair. Mummy smiles and talks to her and then her attention is gone again. She moves around to the other side of the chair, and Mummy offers her some of the special food .. it feels lumpy and slimey and isn’t good – Mummy has given her nasty food – the Little Sis is eating it – she pushes her hand in the Little Sis’s face, and is told to go away by Mummy.

Flick .. frustration, loss, confusion – you will take notice of me. Mummy bats the shoe out of the air and jumps up out of her seat. Yes! But she is marched into the other room and told to stay there and mummy leaves again. A bursting anger, escaping as a high pitched scream and then tears, and only when she is feeling spent does Mummy return. Daddy comes too, and he holds her in his arms and talks to her in his soothing voice, and the feeling of safety and contentment returns.

As she drifts into a deeper sleep, she feels the kiss on the top of her head, senses the arms holding her safely and hears the steady beat of her Mummy’s heart.

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