Carnival

GM holds her freinds 10 week old baby in her arms.  The babe has fallen asleep, comfortable against the ample breast.  She looks down the slope, scanning to see where LML and Lolly are.  She watches as CD hides around the corner of a big container …

“RRRRaaaa!!!!” he shouts as he jumps .. LML and her friend shreik and scream and flee around the corner of the container.  The game repeats and then repeats again.

GM spots Lolly rolling down the slope, followed by her freinds husband.  Lolly gets up and runs over, full of delight.  She pokes her tongue out and there is grass all over it.  GM picks it off and takes over ‘following’ duty, the baby still comfortably asleep.

They make their way over to the playing girls and Lolly joins in, lagging behind as younger sisters so often do.  After half a dozen more “RRRRRaaaaaaa’s” the group make their way back to ‘base’ to refuel and regroup.

GM feels deeply content, surrounded by these lovely folk.  She looks at the baby in her arms and wonders how hard it would be.  “We could do this, if we had to” she thinks, imagining BM having another baby, the call from SS.

“No!” whispers CD in her ear.  He looks at her and smiles, but says “No” again, as he takes off after LML.

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Damp Spot

“Daddy quick, Lolly wee, wee.”

Crap Dad walks into living room to find Lolly trouser and nappyless,  LML is pointing to a damp spot on the carpet.

‘Hmmm, Potty training’s going so well.’ he thinks

hi-ho hi-ho

A month ago GM returned to work, 3 days per week, after being off for 13 and a half months.  The ripples have been felt throughout the family …

GM was stressed in the lead up to returning to work, worried about the kids, worried about how things had ended when she went on leave.  A month in and she is really enjoying being back, has been reminded how much she likes her work and her colleagues and is feeling much more able to cope at home too.  She had forgotten the benefits for everyone of having a break from being mummy all the time.

CD was pretty relaxed about GM’s return to work, feeling quietly confident that she would be fine, and that he and the kids would cope ok with the change.  He has since had some very stressful and demanding days, but slowly slowly they are finding their new routines at that end of the week.

LML was very impressed with Mummy’s smart new clothes, but much much less impressed with her absence at the end of the week.  “Where Mummy? Where Mummy?  Mummy Work?” have been constant questions when GM has not been around (even if just popping out to the shop), and her excited “MUMMY BACK” has presaged a wild 15 to 30 minutes most days.  Her anxiety and stress has been expressed in some inventive ways, such as peeing in the hall, being incredibly loud and reverting to pouring ‘games’ all over the house.  The mostly functional parents tinker with the routines and work towards reassuring and making LML more comfortable, and tiny step by tiny step she adjusts.

Lolly howled and sobbed the first few times that GM left for work, like her world was ending.  She soon calmed down about it though, as her main end of week routine remained pretty stable, and by this week she has happily waved mummy off.

Now they family just have to brace for the enormous change of LML starting ‘big school’ in two weeks time.

magic moments

The mostly Functional Parents had spent the past two hours outlining the ‘grim truth’ of adoption to two prospectives who had been sent to them by their mutual SW.  The couple were beginning to look a little bit shell shocked as CD and GM took it in turns to tell them about how it feels to have a needy, hurt, scared and confused stranger join your family.  How completely your life changes. How different it is parenting children that have experienced trauma and loss than parenting birth children.

“It’s not all bad of course” says CD

“Every day has it’s magic moments” adds GM

This gets GM thinking … sometimes it’s so easy to loose sight of those small joys.  She decides it’s time to refocus on these moments ..so ..

Friday:

GM watches with delight as LML jumps around and around the living room, singing and shouting GM’s name.

Saturday:

GM sitting on a bench by the sea with Lolly asleep in her arms. A sign that Lolly  feels safe enough to relax into GM.

Sunday:

Lolly and LML race their bothers across a scruffy basketball court, all of them squealing with delight.

Monday:

LML and Lolly chase each other from room to room laughing and shrieking.  The game goes on and on.

Tuesday:

CD goes to collect LML & Lolly from nursery.  LML sees him from across the room and shrieks “DAAADDDEEE” at the top of her voice as she runs to him.  She jumps into his arms and covers his face in kisses.

Wednesday:

GM comes down stairs in her work clothes, ready for her first day back.  LML sees her – “WOW” she sighs and smiles at smart mummy.

Thursday:

LML and Lolly dance, bare bottomed, to the cbeebies summer song.  Super cute!

Playing

over and over again, over a whole week, GM and CD have been delighted by the girls interactions with each other.

Lolly has discovered ‘chase’ and is chasing, sitting on and tripping over LML at every opportunity. LML is loving it and howls and hoots with laughter. Lolly is clearly feeling that she is n control of the game and plays with gusto and conviction.

It is a revelation to the mostly functional parents, and deeply enjoyable.

The house has been filled with laughter!

Hitched

Crap Dad is just about to leave the house for a meeting at work when the phone rings.

“Hi it’s the SW, as you know,  it’s the final adoption hearing tomorrow for Lolly.  I need to tell you that both birth parents are going to be there.  Birth dad is not happy about how contact has been going and birth mum has decided that she’s now in a different place and is wanting Lolly to be placed back with her.  She says that she can now look after Lolly herself.”

Crap Dad takes a deep breath before he responds.

“So, what does this mean for us?” he enquires.

“Well, if the judge thinks there are grounds for birth mums appeal then they will set a date for a new hearing. You’ll need to get a solicitor if that happens.

Alternatively, the judge may think that there no grounds for her appeal and make the the adoption order.

There have been appeal hearings but, so far as we are aware, none have been upheld in England .

My view is that any judge looking at the case has to consider the child’s best interests. As Lolly has been placed with you for so long, I can’t see how it would be in her interest to have another disruption.

I’ll give you ring as soon as I get out of the hearing.”

“OK, speak to you tomorrow, thanks.”

Crap Dad takes another deep breath before calling GM.

milking it

LML runs from the dining room with her drink, laughing and over-excited. She is descending into the ‘naughty spiral’, and CD is trying to keep up, to minimise any damage and calm things as quickly as possible. He has to clear up Lolly’s plate which is swimming with juice, and when he manages to get to the living room LML is shouting “milk! milk!”

“Where is the milk LML?” CD asks, picking up the empty cup.

“Milk! Milk!” she shouts in excitement, “Milk! Telly!” … CD’s heart sinks.

He checks the TV. There is no milk on the front. He leans over and realises that she has poured the milk down the back of the lovely flat screen TV.

After wiping up the milk that he can see he turns the TV on without much hope. There is a picture but no sound .. then the picture disappears in a haze of colourful lines.