The land of no

26 07 2014

“No LML! Nonono”

GM translates for her daughter “LML, be careful with the walking stick. It must stay pointed at the ground love. Yes that’s right, well done.” In the first few hours of their visit the “no’s”  come thick and fast. The interpretation is exhausting, but very much needed.

Much as GM loves her in laws, visits are always difficult for LML. GM has to remind herself not to internalise her daughters stress and not to take offence at Nan’s lack of understanding.

Still, GM finds that she smarts a little when LML is told she can have no more ice cream, when Lolly is tucking onto her second bowl.

LML is lovely. She is loud. She cannot do as she is told”. She does not understand threats of consequences. When she is stressed she does not stop moving. And nan just does not get it.

GM and CD manage LML’s behaviors, anxiety and stress as best they can. They model the scaffolding and support they give her, to help LML cope and to show nan how to help their daughter do better. GM sighs. Nan just doesn’t seem to get it.

Advertisements




Just that time of year?

16 07 2014

LML chooses to watch Something Special in the morning – the first time since GM doesn’t know when – specifically the ‘baby’ one.

After school LML goes to get her memory box out of the cupboard just before bath time.  CD tells her she can have a proper look after bath time.  He half expects that she will have forgotten as he takes it as an attempt to avoid  going in the bath; just another bid for control.  once she is ready for bed though, she goes to her memory box and explores the contents.  She recognises the number 1 on a birthday card and asks about cards that she received from her foster carers for her 1st birthday and her first Christmas.  She tries on the England (football) Team’s baseball cap which was a gift to her from her birth parents.  She rummages through the special gifts and items from her foster family eventually pulling out a tiny baby grow that GM added to the box to give LML some idea of just how small she was when she was born, and goes under the bed to dress her baby monkey in it.  All this whilst GM or CD make comments and observations about her early experiences, before she came home.

When they go downstairs for supper LML really surprises the mostly functional parent by asking if she can have the baby bottle.  They have kept one as sometimes Lolly will have a phase of revisiting the bottle, but LML has rarely shown more than a passing interest in it.  GM put milk in the bottle, and explains, as she always does, that mummy or daddy hold the bottle and she must lay on their knee if she wants some milk from it.  LML climbs onto GM’s lap and lays in her arms, way too light for an eight year old.  She suckles from the bottle and gazes at her mum, as she talks about how this is what she would have done if she had been there when she was a baby; about how LML was so tiny that she couldn’t feed from a bottle at first, but she would have held her and told her that she loves her, just like she is now. After a couple of minutes LML sits up and climbs down from her mothers lap, calm and ready for supper.  

Lolly quickly replaces her and goes through the same process, although she drains the bottle and clearly gets enormous pleasure from having teat in her mouth.  Lolly would have a dummy if she could and will always have her thumb or another item in her mouth, and there is clearly a sensory element to her desire for a bottle.  Lolly hasn’t asked for it for quite some time – certainly not this year, and LML never has – not once

GM is astonished by LML’s request.  Encouraged, astonished and hopeful.   








%d bloggers like this: