Half Term – day 2

It’s boiled eggs for breakfast and Lolly is sitting on her Aunty J’s knee, crunching away on a bit of egg shell when she begins to cough.  And cough.  And cough. She is offered a drink, takes a reluctant sip and coughs some more.  She is becoming distressed and wants her mummy all of a sudden, still coughing and beginning to choke and cry.  Suddenly there is afountain of liquid which floats out the cm square piece of shell, and Lolly rapidly returns to her usual colour.

“No more egg shell for you then” comments Anuty J.

“But that’s the only bit she’ll eat at the moment” objects CD.

The plan is to take delivery of the shopping (we love you Mr Ocado!), do a spot of clothes shopping for the girls and then go over to their brothers for a visit.  After LML has belted Lolly for the tenth time and Lolly as moaned and whined continuously for 10 minutes GM makes a snap decision (read “snaps”) and both girls are packed off to bed for an hour.

They arrive at the H’s, in much happier moods just coming up to lunch time. The four children run around the house, screaming and shouting for the first 15 minutes.  Lolly hangs back, finding it all too intense and overwhelming maybe.  The brothers, J and D, are very excited to see their sisters, LML in particular, and yet again GM experiences a sense of wonder at the relationships unfolding before her.

LML hits out at Lolly and D regularly throughout the visit, but only once or twice to her older brother J.  D comes in for quite a lot of aggression from LML and GM notices that this appears to be ‘passed down the pecking order’ as he gives his younger sister, Lolly, a hard time in turn.  As ever GM and the boys mum manage the tellings off and talkings to between them, and the visit is enjoyed by all, despite the argy bargy and inevitable tears that come with having the four of them together in a confined space. The visit was concluded with a trip to a tiny play ground around the corner which the kids really enjoyed and afforded a great photo opportunity too.

 

After a detour to the supermarket for the clothes shopping the family were home by tea time.  LML and GM made cheesy blinis, which went down pretty well, LML clearing her plate and Lolly at least engaging with it.  Bath time is seen to and the girls have super while they wait for CD to get home from work (bath time is early on a Tuesday as GM and Aunty J go to a club as soon as CD gets home).  GM kisses the girls and CD and is out of the door in double quick time, leaving CD to it.  The girls are tired and chilled out.

CD takes Lolly to bed and she settled immediately, as is usual.  LML is falling asleep on the sofa soon after and CD carries her upstairs.  He puts her in bed, tucks her in and gives her a kiss.  As he is leaving the room she calls out to him.  He looks over Lolly’s cot and LML sit’s up, gives him a wink and blows him a kiss, before settling back down.  She is clearly sound asleep almost as soon as her head touches the pillow.

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here’s looking at you

The two and the three year old gaze into each others eyes, laughing, clearly communicating. The eyes, the smiles, the shapes of the faces are so similar you’d call them the same. GM looks on with a familiar sense of wonder, enjoyment and sheer thankfulness.

GM is watching her youngest daughter enjoying the company of the boy who is not her son but is her daughters brother.

The boys are the unforeseen delight of adopting the girls, an extension to the family that is deeply enjoyable.

……..

The extended family get together is lovely, spent at an urban farm and ‘country manor’.  The kids run and run in the wide open spaces (to the point of almost vanishing for LML – still no elastic then), they bounce off of each other, collide and embrace and shove and laugh.  Today’s get together was a special one as GM had invited the families of the half siblings, but neither family had responded, which was fine.  “Our four had a lovely time” as the boys mum, HH, put it.

There were the ‘magic’ moments ..

♥ Three year old DH putting his arms around GM’s neck, saying her name and giving her a cuddle

♥ Lolly leaning against, sitting on and laying on HH throughout the day

♥ GM pushing both the boys across the grass on the push chair, much to their delight

♥ JH and LML playing ‘you can’t catch me’, and LML actually chasing her brother for a few seconds

♥ CD spinning child after child around, as they clamour for their next turn

The only negative was seeing LML’s social isolation, and ‘difference’ so clearly.  Her lack of ‘elastic’ that means that she will just go; how she ‘cranks things up’ so that her brothers become harder to manage; how she plays so much on her own even when her beloved older brother is available and willing.

The girls have a lovely time, and the boys object to having to part from them.  The Mostly Functional Parents are both warmed immeasurably and quietly saddened by the day.

kids in the park

We met up with our kids brothers in the park today. The problem parents have the two girls and their brothers are placed with another family. It’s always lovely to see them and Little Miss Loud  was really excited to see them. Lolly  hasn’t really worked out what’s going on yet, she is young and was only placed with us 6 months ago, but she still ran around all excited.

The girls also have 4 half siblings, who we meet up with occasionally.

There is a bit of a family resemblance, so today, again, Crap Dad could see people looking and thinking, ‘what’s going on there then?’ There are these kids that look like each other but don’t look like the their parents.

The problem parents family has grown to include not only their own kids but also the girls siblings and their adoptive families. It’s a richness that Crap Dad hadn’t anticipated when he began this journey.

Updating HH

Bring, Bring… Bring, Bring

“Hi CD, it’s HH. Is GM there?”

“Hiya. No, you just missed her. She should be back in a couple of hours.”

“How’s the introductions going?“

“Great. Little Sis seems to be really comfortable with us. She’s lovely and so much like LML. She’s engaged with us all. Big Sis met her yesterday and they hit it off from the start. It all feels very relaxed, if a bit slow. ”

“Why’s that?”

“It’s our stupid introductions plan. The foster carers expressed concerns that Little Sis sometimes reacts badly to strangers, so the plan is for us to meet her every other day for an hour for the first week and then for the introductions to properly start, but really slowly. It means that at the end we only have one full day at our house before she moves. It’s stupid, up until that day she only spends four and a half hours at our house.”

“It’ll be all right. When you have the review meeting half way through you can say how well it’s going and amend the plan then.”

“You’d think so wouldn’t you, but they’ve scheduled the review meeting for two days before she’s supposed to move. Sixteen days to do introductions based on a concern that Little Sis might not take to us straight away, it’s mad. It’s too long and there isn’t the opportunity to change it.”

“It felt really frustrating at the planning meeting as we were continually told that we needed to be flexible but it was clear that the chair had a plan in her head and that is what we were going to do. It seems that we’ve had to be flexible but the local authority has it’s procedures and it’s going to stick to them.”

“Anyway, we’ve looked at the plan and we’ve talked to our SW and have already agreed some changes with the foster mum.”

“You know, we had the same problem with them. In the end I phoned the manager and was a bit stroppy. You’d think they’d want to place a child as soon as possible, but it felt like they were determined to fit our introductions into a model and not look at the family, Little Bro’s needs and our needs. If I were you I’d agree a new plan with the foster carers and phone and tell them what it is.”

“Yeah, I think we’re just going to play it by ear and agree stuff informally with the foster carer. As long as we move at the right pace and cover everything in the plan I think we should be OK. We really do need to create more time with us at home before she moves.”

“I’ll tell GM you phoned and I’ll get her to give you a call later this afternoon.”

“Speak to you soon, bye.”

Brrrrrr……

sibling revelry

“aaaagh!” doink!

“aaaaaaaaaaagh!” doink!

“eeeeeeeh!” doink!

“oooooh!” doink

“doing!!!!!”

LML’s brothers come to visit. LML worships he older brother J but treats her younger brother D with disdain.

Once a month or so we meet up and a delightful mayhem descends on wherever we are located. The noise levels, as the three of them charge about the place, turns heads and generally induces tuts. That is when we are out and about, when we are at home it more often than not indulgent smiles.

It is always lovely to see them, even if the after effect is a headache.