My Daddy, My Daddy!

15 10 2012

Crap Dad arrives home and rings the door bell.

LML appears in the halfway and begins chanting, “My Daddy!  My Daddy!” over and over as she runs up and down the hall.

This continues for almost 10 minutes,  “My daddy!  My daddy!” as she runs through the house, in and out of rooms,  up and down the stairs.

Eventually the chanting stops, GM smiles at Crap Dad and says,  “That’s some hello.”



10 05 2011

Sometimes life ‘just takes over’ and some things get left behind.

There is no way to write about all the small, day to day event’s that have been experienced by the mostly functional family, over the past 4 months or so, like Lolly toilet training … and LML not, or the development’s in both children’s communication, the visits with both sets of foster carers, their various successes, struggles and (for LML) head teachers awards.

so …

There has been some snow

LML had a birthday and got a bike, which she is a little nervous of ..

Lolly liked LML’s bike so much though, that when she had a birthday … 🙂

There's been planting seeds,

and blowing bubbles (lots of blowing bubbles!).

There's been playing apart ...

... and playing together

There's been lots of trips to the park.

And even Lolly's first demonstration

The year has started well.

Dot to dot

29 11 2010

“Oh my!” exclaims Crap Dad as Grumpy Mum pulls the jumper over Little Miss Loud’s head.

The four year old’s back is facing him.  GM looks over her daughters shoulder.  “OH!” She exclaims “Sweetheart! You won’t be going back to school this week.  You’re going to have to stay off”

“Poorly?” asks the child, “me poorly?”

GM is doing a quick count as CD answers “a little bit darling, you have Chicken Pox”.

“That’s over 20 just on her back” exclaims GM, “just since she went to school this morning!”


5 11 2010

Routine is everything in the Mostly Functional household, morning, noon and night.

CD & GM had had enough of 5am starts, so a month ago they bought and ‘day and night’ clock, which changes when it is morning.  It provides the girls with a very visual sign that it is morning.

At the end of three weeks the girls had started to wake closer to 5.30 in the morning most days and 6am maybe twice a week.


5.15 this morning was a vast improvement on the previous days, which have consistently been 4.something am.  For some reason LML has woken lively and unwilling to stay quietly in bed.  She shouts, kicks, objects and wakes everyone.

The mostly Functional parents hold onto the hope and belief that they will not always have to rise so early, nor battle at the beginning of their day .

“Hmmmmm – Yummy”

21 09 2010

GM, LML and Lolly are checking out the greenhouse.  LML veiws her single pepper with pride.

“Biga mummy” she exclaims, “Yes, LML, your pepper is getting big now” GM agrees.

The girls pick a ripe ‘current tomato’ and Lolly puts hers into her mouth and bites down.  Her face contort and she spits the sweet yellow fruit into GM’s hand.  GM decide to eat it herself as they are too good to waste.

As LML checks out the rest of the tomato’s, Lolly goes outside and begins to look under stones for anything interesting.  She is delighted to find a very wriggly brandling (this is s baby worm to those who are not compost makers!) and tries to pick it up, unsuccessfully, with her stubby fingers.

She squeals and exclaims as the tiny worm tries to escape and LML comes to see what all the fuss is about.  GM remains in the greenhouse, completing the inspection, whilst keeping half an eye on the kids.  She sees that LML has managed to pick up the worm and is showing it to Lolly.

GM follows as the children run towards the other end of the garden.  LML looks at her and puts the little worm close to her mouth “LML, it’s not to eat” she says.  LML smiles and then laughs and begins to tease her mum, putting the worm closer and closer, then in and out of her mouth.  GM tries not to react, but her disgust can’t be completely hidden, eventually she says “I’m not watching, LML, you know it’s not food” and turns her back.

As GM glances over her shoulder she sees LML chewing “Oh you didn’t” she exclaims. feeling slightly nauseous.

“Hmmmmm YUMMY” confirms LML.


28 07 2010

LML takes her pajamas top off and is laughing.

“It’s early and still a bit cold darling, you should keep that on,” states Crap Dad.

LML ignores him and runs around laughing. Soon she’s slipping off her pajamas bottoms.

“Don’t be daft, put ’em back on” encourages CD.

The response is a laugh and a defiant, “No!”

She spends the rest of the morning, until she gets dressed for nursery, in various states of nakedness.

Later that day Crap Dad arrives home just after the kids have been bathed. LML is running around without a top on laughing.

“I see nothing much has changed then,” he says as he puts his bag and jacket down.

Cleaning Up

20 04 2010

Txt from Grumpy Mum to Crap Dad

“5 mins to go to the loo, clean teeth and get dressed. 45 mins to clean all the washing up liquid off the carpet in the living room.  What on earth made me think it was OK to leave LML playing in the kitchen sink?”

Crunch Biscuits

10 04 2010

LML and GM do quite a lot of baking together.  Here is what they made this morning .. probably their favourite biscuit recipe.

The recipe comes from a Women’s Institute book from the early 1950’s which was given to GM by her father.  She remembers using the book when she was a child, with her dad and she really likes the feeling of continuity she get’s when she bakes with LML.


6 oz flour (plain)

5 oz sugar

3 oz Quaker oats

1 tsp baking powder

4 oz margarine / butter

1 good tbl sp golden syrup

1 tsp bicarbonate of soda dissolved in 2 tbl sp hot water


1.Mix all the dry ingredients together, (except the bicarbonate of soda which should be dissolved in the water).

2.Melt marg/butter and syrup in a pan (GM tends to get it half melted and then turn off the heat – this way it isn’t too hot when it’s mixed with the dry ingredient, and little LML fingers are spared the heat)

3.Mix all the ingredients together to form a dough

4.Make dough into balls (about walnut sized) and place on a baking sheet, giving plenty of space for them to spread

5.Bake for aprox 15 minutes at gas mark 3

Makes about 30 (we tend to fill two baking sheets) biscuits (which will last all week, but only if you can stop eating them!)

(We sometimes add sultanas or glace cherries, but haven’t tried chocolate chips)

Get thee gone – parts 1 and 2

9 10 2009

Get thee gone # 1 …

Grumpy mum found herself sitting at the pc, tears of frustration, hurt and anger pouring down her face, grateful that Little Sis was asleep and LML was out with Crap Dad. She had managed to stop herself from packing a suitcase for Big Sis, and had instead texted Crap Dad to let him know what had happened. As she calmed down she began to write a letter

Dear Big Sis

Notice to Quit

This is written notice that you need to leave home by Saturday 3rd October 2009.

We recently restated the minimum standard of behaviour that we expect from you, if you are to continue to live at home. Today you failed to meet that standard and as a result I have decided that it really is time that you live independently.

At this time I am still willing to support you in your move away from home. I will view properties with you and help out with a bond and rent in advance.

If you are unable to find somewhere to live in the next seven days please come to us with your plan for moving on.

Obviously I continue to love you, and will always be here to provide you with support or help when you need it.

Crap Dad arrived home as she was finishing the letter, and Grumpy Mum immediately explained that she had written the letter to get the frustration and upset off her chest, aware that the situation was much more difficult for him as Big Sis’s biological father, rather than a step parent.

Crap Dad hugged Grumpy Mum, read the letter and hugged her again. “You need to amend it love, so that it says ‘we’ all the way through.”

Get thee Gone # 2 …

Having talked, shouted and whined about moving out for months and months, without doing anything about it, Big Sis manages to find somewhere she can afford, that is self contained and has neighbours with similar interests to her own, in less than one week.

She views the property on her own, and then the next day takes Grumpy Mum. The entrance isn’t ideal, but the agent assures them that the previous tenants have never complained about any problems with that. The flat is ideal as a place to start out, and Big Sis is already excited and it’s agreed that she will take the tenancy.

Two days later, Grumpy Mum and Big Sis go to the letting agency, hand over £500 and with that Big Sis becomes a householder in her own right. On their way home, they discuss how and when Big Sis will move into her new home. Grumpy Mum is assured that there is a friend with a van, who can help out in the middle of the following week. Big Sis has already done much of her packing, Grumpy Mum has invested in a ‘started pack’ consisting of the cleaning equipment and products needed to get the place up to scratch, so Big Sis plans to clean and decorate over the weekend and early the following week.

Over the weekend Big Sis drops in regularly and leaves with more and more of her ‘essential’ belongings, the original plan obviously having been abandoned. She has not slept at her former home since signing the tenancy agreement and getting her keys, despite her bed still being here. Her bedroom has been left with about a quarter of the packing left to do. Her bed has finally been dismantled, readying it for moving, but her ‘friend’ hasn’t appeared as yet. Her belongings are scattered throughout the house.

It doesn’t feel like there’s any ‘closure’ with this drawn out, chaotic move.” mutters Crap Dad, as he trips over another bag of belongings.

Don’t do it

5 09 2009

When LML first came home the mostly functional parents ensured that all the safety precautions were undertaken and things like stair gates etc. were fitted. A gate was put on the kitchen door mainly because the kitchen is too small and when cooking you want to avoid a stealth crawling tiddler. Over time the gates have come off as both the mostly functional parents and LML have become more confident. With the arrival of Little Sis the stair gate returned immediately – mainly to stop LML going upstairs whilst Little Sis was napping and waking her up.

The mostly functional parents decided that they’d keep the one on the kitchen off and see how it went. However, this has now had to be revised. Not because of Little Sis and her stealth crawling but because LML has now grown tall enough to see across the surfaces. This has meant that any objects that takes her fancy, that look too good to resist, are grabbed at and snatched away. This can be food, cups, glasses, pans or knifes. Having spent a few weeks trying to manage LML’s behaviour the problem parents finally gave up and reinstalled a gate.

Yesterday Crap Dad was preparing some pasta for lunch and had left the gate open. LML saw her opportunity and grabbed at the small pile of food on the chopping board. She giggled as she ran from the kitchen putting the food in her mouth despite Crap Dad issuing the warning that she would like it. A few steps into the hallway and she stopped. A look of disgust crossed her face, she started to spit the substance out, flicking at her tongue to get the bits off, her face flushing pink.

“I told you not to eat it my love, it’s garlic, it’s not nice raw. Here have a drink” soothed Crap Dad.

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