On sharing …

6 10 2012

Lolly is having a big tantrum, as GM has just taken the big fat worm from her.  “LML found the worm Lolly. If you want one find your own.” she says, and carries on planting onion sets.

A few moments later LML runs down the garden shouting for her sister, “Lolly, Lolly, here worm! Worm for you Lolly”.  LML is roundly praised for good sharing and the girls carry on playing happily together.

CD sees Little Miss putting the worm into her pocket and remonstrates with her “it is a live creature Lolly, it does not belong in your pocket” …

Lolly laughs and runs to GM, producing the worm with a proud smile “How kind of LML to find you a worm,” she starts to say “oh, half a worm! Oh LML! You gave Lolly half YOUR worm …”



10 05 2011

Sometimes life ‘just takes over’ and some things get left behind.

There is no way to write about all the small, day to day event’s that have been experienced by the mostly functional family, over the past 4 months or so, like Lolly toilet training … and LML not, or the development’s in both children’s communication, the visits with both sets of foster carers, their various successes, struggles and (for LML) head teachers awards.

so …

There has been some snow

LML had a birthday and got a bike, which she is a little nervous of ..

Lolly liked LML’s bike so much though, that when she had a birthday … 🙂

There's been planting seeds,

and blowing bubbles (lots of blowing bubbles!).

There's been playing apart ...

... and playing together

There's been lots of trips to the park.

And even Lolly's first demonstration

The year has started well.

Jingle bells, jingle bells…

26 12 2010

“Daddy look!” says LML as she spots the stockings placed by their grandparents by the fireplace.

“Look Daddy!”

“They look interesting, what do you think they are?”

“Ho, ho, Ho!”

“You think Santa has left them?”

“Yes” say both the girls, Lolly nodding her head vigorously.

“Do you want to have a look?”


They delve in the stockings, Pulling out torches, bags of chocolate coins, masks… It’s not long before a range of small objects have been explored, played with and explored again.

After a few minutes LML comes up to Crap Dad and kisses him on the cheek and says, “Thank you Daddy”.

Crap Dad says, “You need to thank Nan and Granddad when they get up. Though that’ll be a few hours yet, as it’s still the middle of the night.”


Dot to dot

29 11 2010

“Oh my!” exclaims Crap Dad as Grumpy Mum pulls the jumper over Little Miss Loud’s head.

The four year old’s back is facing him.  GM looks over her daughters shoulder.  “OH!” She exclaims “Sweetheart! You won’t be going back to school this week.  You’re going to have to stay off”

“Poorly?” asks the child, “me poorly?”

GM is doing a quick count as CD answers “a little bit darling, you have Chicken Pox”.

“That’s over 20 just on her back” exclaims GM, “just since she went to school this morning!”

Half Term – day 2

26 10 2010

It’s boiled eggs for breakfast and Lolly is sitting on her Aunty J’s knee, crunching away on a bit of egg shell when she begins to cough.  And cough.  And cough. She is offered a drink, takes a reluctant sip and coughs some more.  She is becoming distressed and wants her mummy all of a sudden, still coughing and beginning to choke and cry.  Suddenly there is afountain of liquid which floats out the cm square piece of shell, and Lolly rapidly returns to her usual colour.

“No more egg shell for you then” comments Anuty J.

“But that’s the only bit she’ll eat at the moment” objects CD.

The plan is to take delivery of the shopping (we love you Mr Ocado!), do a spot of clothes shopping for the girls and then go over to their brothers for a visit.  After LML has belted Lolly for the tenth time and Lolly as moaned and whined continuously for 10 minutes GM makes a snap decision (read “snaps”) and both girls are packed off to bed for an hour.

They arrive at the H’s, in much happier moods just coming up to lunch time. The four children run around the house, screaming and shouting for the first 15 minutes.  Lolly hangs back, finding it all too intense and overwhelming maybe.  The brothers, J and D, are very excited to see their sisters, LML in particular, and yet again GM experiences a sense of wonder at the relationships unfolding before her.

LML hits out at Lolly and D regularly throughout the visit, but only once or twice to her older brother J.  D comes in for quite a lot of aggression from LML and GM notices that this appears to be ‘passed down the pecking order’ as he gives his younger sister, Lolly, a hard time in turn.  As ever GM and the boys mum manage the tellings off and talkings to between them, and the visit is enjoyed by all, despite the argy bargy and inevitable tears that come with having the four of them together in a confined space. The visit was concluded with a trip to a tiny play ground around the corner which the kids really enjoyed and afforded a great photo opportunity too.


After a detour to the supermarket for the clothes shopping the family were home by tea time.  LML and GM made cheesy blinis, which went down pretty well, LML clearing her plate and Lolly at least engaging with it.  Bath time is seen to and the girls have super while they wait for CD to get home from work (bath time is early on a Tuesday as GM and Aunty J go to a club as soon as CD gets home).  GM kisses the girls and CD and is out of the door in double quick time, leaving CD to it.  The girls are tired and chilled out.

CD takes Lolly to bed and she settled immediately, as is usual.  LML is falling asleep on the sofa soon after and CD carries her upstairs.  He puts her in bed, tucks her in and gives her a kiss.  As he is leaving the room she calls out to him.  He looks over Lolly’s cot and LML sit’s up, gives him a wink and blows him a kiss, before settling back down.  She is clearly sound asleep almost as soon as her head touches the pillow.

Half Term – day 1

25 10 2010

When she was at nursery, it was clear that LML did not really enjoy ‘time off’.  Holidays at home tended to be stressful for everyone, so the mostly functional parents kept her in nursery for her two days a week, unless it was closed or they were actually going away.

School holidays are something that the family will have to navigate carefully.

Day 1 – Lolly & LML are at home with GM.  A quiet and domestic morning is followed by a bus ride to a nice park with a great playground.  GM has arrange to meet a good friend and her children, the eldest being the same age as LML.

GM leaves early, deciding that it’s better to be out than in.  The girls have a lovely time in the play ground, but are starting to flag a bit, when the friend arrives half an hour late (that’s babies for you, always holding things up!).  The children renew their friendships, run and play , chase and generally interact.  LML only hits or pushes her friend 3 times in 15 minutes, and the friend copes well.

After 20 minutes GM can see that LML and Lolly really need to move on from the play ground so the group walk, skip, run and zig-zag through the lovely park, to the animal house (rabbits, rodents, fish & reptiles).  It’s closed – it shuts it’s doors at 3.30pm!  GM and her friend grumble at the stupidity of that and take the girls to the bandstand for a run around.

After 5 minutes LML has hit her friend about 6 times, so she is confined to the push chair.  It’s clear that she has had enough running and social interaction as she puts her thumb in her mouth and settles into the buggy.  Lolly still seems raring to go, and runs away over and over again as the group make their way to the exit, and screams her objection to being put on the buggy board.

The bus is due in 10 minutes so snacks are purchased and eaten, to ease the wait.  The bus doesn’t turn up.  Eventually, after 30 minutes, four tantrums (Lolly – 1, LML – 2, GM -1), a push chair switch-over and  half an apple, the family are safely and warmly on the bus.  LML wants to sit on a seat by herself, but GM makes her sit on her knee – “you need my body heat sweetheart” she explains and soon LML is wrapped around her mum, snuggling under the coat and warming up.

Fish fingers and chips go down a treat and it’s nearly bath time.  CD texts to say that he is stuck on a stationary bus in almost unmoving traffic.  LML has hit or pushed Lolly a dozen times in last half hour and GM is flagging big time.

After much roaring (GM) and crying (LML), both girls are bathed and ready for bed.  Peace is restored, rice cake and milk consumed.  Lolly is dozing in GM’s arms when she is carried upstairs to bed, and LML is having a cuddle and nodding off when CD finally arrives home.

magic moments

16 08 2010

The mostly Functional Parents had spent the past two hours outlining the ‘grim truth’ of adoption to two prospectives who had been sent to them by their mutual SW.  The couple were beginning to look a little bit shell shocked as CD and GM took it in turns to tell them about how it feels to have a needy, hurt, scared and confused stranger join your family.  How completely your life changes. How different it is parenting children that have experienced trauma and loss than parenting birth children.

“It’s not all bad of course” says CD

“Every day has it’s magic moments” adds GM

This gets GM thinking … sometimes it’s so easy to loose sight of those small joys.  She decides it’s time to refocus on these moments ..so ..


GM watches with delight as LML jumps around and around the living room, singing and shouting GM’s name.


GM sitting on a bench by the sea with Lolly asleep in her arms. A sign that Lolly  feels safe enough to relax into GM.


Lolly and LML race their bothers across a scruffy basketball court, all of them squealing with delight.


LML and Lolly chase each other from room to room laughing and shrieking.  The game goes on and on.


CD goes to collect LML & Lolly from nursery.  LML sees him from across the room and shrieks “DAAADDDEEE” at the top of her voice as she runs to him.  She jumps into his arms and covers his face in kisses.


GM comes down stairs in her work clothes, ready for her first day back.  LML sees her – “WOW” she sighs and smiles at smart mummy.


LML and Lolly dance, bare bottomed, to the cbeebies summer song.  Super cute!

Absent Parent

10 07 2010

The screaming is intense, much more intense than usual. Crap Dad rinses the flannel he’d gone to get and returns to the dinning room. Lolly is very distressed, her face is various shades of purple, he mouth wide open and the tears are starting to form and roll down her cheeks. She continues to scream.

Crap Dad tries to comfort her. He asks LML what has happened, she looks at him blankly. He scans Lolly but can’t see anything. He continues to try and sooth her but the screaming just gets louder. “Has LML hit you? Show me where it hurts, baby.” More screaming, her face changing colours like an over excited chameleon.

He checks again, asking, “Does it hurt here?” Then he sees the marks start to appear. Millimetres to the the side of her right eye four very small welts start to appear. Evenly spaced they can only mean one thing, he scours the table and floor, “Where is that fork?”

Are they really sisters?

19 06 2010

Usually trips to the corner shop serve the purpose of giving the girls a break from one-an-other, but today the mostly functioning parents walked to the shop with the girls together, getting Lolly used to her new reins.

“They really look alike, are they really sisters?” says the local shop keeper.

GM and CD smile and nod “yes they are” they say in unison, unphased that the shopkeeper obviously knows of their daughters adopted status despite never having talked about it previously with him.

“I mean real sisters?” he says, unsure that we have understood him.

“Yes” says CD “they really are sisters.”

“They have the same mum?” the shopkeeper presses

“They have the same birth mum.” says CD.

“Yeh – you can see.  They really look alike.”

“Yes they do. Thanks.  Come along girls. Bye.”


13 06 2010

Lolly is standing looking at a book as LML rapidly approaches from behind. LML grabs Lolly’s face just as CD notices what is happening.  He cries out “LML, don’t do that!” Too late.

Lolly remains standing and there is a moment of silence. Then LML’s face begins to distort. She pulls away from Lolly.

“Lolly bite!” She screams through swelling tears. “Lolly bite!” becoming increasingly distraught, “Lolly bite!” she keeps repeating through flooding tears. “Lolly bite!”

CD tries to comfort her. He makes a big display of telling Lolly “No biting” Lolly looks at him blankly, there is even a hint of a smile on her face. He makes a concious decision not to rise to the bait.

“Lolly bite!” LML continues to scream and wail through her copious tears.

GM joins the scene and takes the distressed LML into her arms. “Lolly bite!” she stammers through the tears. She shows the damaged finger end to GM, there are clear teeth marks, the skin slightly broken.  She continues to wail and sob intermittently for a few more minutes.

The mostly functional parents exchange a glance and smile over the top of the distraught child’s head, acknowledging the role reversal. GM considers using it as a learning opportunity, pointing out to LML that this is how Lolly must feel after LML’s regular physical attacks, but decides that the older daughter is too distressed to take in the learning and will wait for the opportunity later.

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