My Daddy, My Daddy!

15 10 2012

Crap Dad arrives home and rings the door bell.

LML appears in the halfway and begins chanting, “My Daddy!  My Daddy!” over and over as she runs up and down the hall.

This continues for almost 10 minutes,  “My daddy!  My daddy!” as she runs through the house, in and out of rooms,  up and down the stairs.

Eventually the chanting stops, GM smiles at Crap Dad and says,  “That’s some hello.”


hi-ho hi-ho

26 08 2010

A month ago GM returned to work, 3 days per week, after being off for 13 and a half months.  The ripples have been felt throughout the family …

GM was stressed in the lead up to returning to work, worried about the kids, worried about how things had ended when she went on leave.  A month in and she is really enjoying being back, has been reminded how much she likes her work and her colleagues and is feeling much more able to cope at home too.  She had forgotten the benefits for everyone of having a break from being mummy all the time.

CD was pretty relaxed about GM’s return to work, feeling quietly confident that she would be fine, and that he and the kids would cope ok with the change.  He has since had some very stressful and demanding days, but slowly slowly they are finding their new routines at that end of the week.

LML was very impressed with Mummy’s smart new clothes, but much much less impressed with her absence at the end of the week.  “Where Mummy? Where Mummy?  Mummy Work?” have been constant questions when GM has not been around (even if just popping out to the shop), and her excited “MUMMY BACK” has presaged a wild 15 to 30 minutes most days.  Her anxiety and stress has been expressed in some inventive ways, such as peeing in the hall, being incredibly loud and reverting to pouring ‘games’ all over the house.  The mostly functional parents tinker with the routines and work towards reassuring and making LML more comfortable, and tiny step by tiny step she adjusts.

Lolly howled and sobbed the first few times that GM left for work, like her world was ending.  She soon calmed down about it though, as her main end of week routine remained pretty stable, and by this week she has happily waved mummy off.

Now they family just have to brace for the enormous change of LML starting ‘big school’ in two weeks time.

Aggrieved, no more

5 06 2009

“Hi, it’s me,” says GM when CD answers the phone “do I sound chirpy?”

Something starts to relax inside CD .. “how did it go then?” he asks, hardly daring to hope.

GM starts to babble “I’m so relieved” she says,

“I’m not going to be made redundant”

“They’re not going to make me learn to drive, but they will pay for lessons if I want to learn”

“They seemed to accept that the actions of my managers could be seen as bullying. They were really shocked by some of the evidence I gave them.”

“It went so much better than I had expected!”

“I feel like a weight has been lifted off me”

She pauses for breath. CD smiles, “That’s great GM, well done .. tell me all about it when you get home”. He hangs up and looks at LML “Phew” he says to her “mummys going to me much less stressed tonight!”

Too Much Pressure

16 05 2009

Late Friday night.

Crap Dad picks himself of settee and goes into the dinning room to say goodnight to Grumpy Mum, who is at the computer. As he wanders in he sees her sitting there with her head in her hands.

“Are you all right love?”

Big heaves of the shoulders and anguished sobs.

“I feel so upset and powerless, so angry and frustrated. I just want to go on adoption leave and still have a job. I don’t want to be unemployed with two small children. How on earth will we manage?”

“I know my love. It’s hard, I know. We’ll be all right, whatever the outcome. Don’t let the bastards get you down. It’s late… lets go to bed. It’ll look different in the morning.”

Early Saturday morning

No, it doesn’t.

Highs and lows

13 05 2009

Having had a charming start to the day, the rest was what you could call ‘mixed’.

GM had the usual start to her working week, catching up with colleagues and emails, but all was overshadowed with a mix of excitement and dread – there were two meetings to attend …

1pm – meet with Little Sis’s SW and CD to sign the forms that get us to the next stage (Matching Panel) and deliver them, (with SW) into the hands of the panel’s administrator. The deadline was today, the SW was on the phone to us at 10pm last night discussing the paperwork and at 11pm we were completing our section of the form. Getting them in before the 5pm deadline today felt like an incredible relief and achievement. Assuming everything is as it should be, we’re going to Matching Panel on the 3rd June – yippee! Little Sis should be home by the end of June.

2pm – meet with line manager, GM tells her the likely time scales for going on adoption leave and goes on to say that she is taking a grievance out against her and two other managers. GM tells her that she has no other option as she believes that she is being subjected to indirect Sex discrimination. That her employer has failed to enter into proper negotiations or consultation  (regarding their view that her post is becoming redundant), has failed to follow proper procedures, and has left her feeling bullied and victimised. A seven page grievance letter is handed over at the end of the meeting and then emailed to other the other parties involved. (OUCH!)

4.20pm Pick up LML from nursery. She runs towards GM, arms wide, “Mummy, mummy, MUMMY!!!” she shouts as she crashes into GM’s arms.


2 05 2009

So little sis (LS) may be coming home in about 6 weeks. What do we need:

  • take new pictures of us and our home and make a book to send to her
  • get ‘stuff’ – you know .. the cot, another car seat (check!), things like that
  • make a book for Little Miss Loud (LML), about her little sis
  • go to adoption panel (we’ve had the date for a while)
  • go to matching panel (yeah! – we’ve just got the date)
  • sort out cupboard and draw space for LS (check)
  • sort out ‘car boot’ junk and get it to the charity shop / municipal dump to make more space generally

That’s not too bad, but we’d like to finish off some things for LML, before LS comes home, most importantly to complete her life story book, so …

  • visit the Special Care Baby Unit where LML her spent first three months, to get and give pictures and see if there is any one around that can remember her (check)
  • find the grave of LML’s twin to take pictures and leave flowers (and as it turned out, tidy up and weed the little plot)(check)
  • meet with LML’s  SW for his input about the birth parents and decision making process (check)
  • fill in the blanks in the life story book and put it together

Well, we really aren’t doing too bad are we, so

  • order a new carpet for the hall, stairs and landing (check)
  • redecorate the hall, stairs and landing before carpet arrives
  • fill in the cracks, sand and paint front door
  • have the new carpet laid

Ok, so that’s a bit more challenging, given work and LML, but it’ll all be done within the next couple of weeks and then that’s it. That just leaves winding things down at work for the 12 months adoption leave for GM and 4 weeks parental leave for CD, which shouldn’t be too hard.

Hang on a minute GM – what’s this letter from work? … “your post is at risk, by reason of redundancy …”

  • panic and cry – cry a lot (check)
  • get legal advice (check)
  • write up the log of the unfair and discriminatory behaviour and attitudes that you’ve been subjected to since you returned from adoption leave last year (in progress)
  • take out a grievance against the three managers involved
  • try to get a settlement that means that you are not unemployed as your second child comes home.

There’s a spanner in the works if ever there was one.

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