29 04 2009

We have moved so far since Little Miss Loud came home to live with us both emotionally and intellectually. When we sat in the adoption preparation group three years ago, it felt as though we had made such a lot of progress to get where we were, made so many big decisions and we were learning so much.

Since LML came home to us we have had to learn so much more. Really, it is where our learning really began.

There is the intellectual journey. There’s the practicalities and medical stuff – learning about child development, medical conditions, speech therapy, what the hell portage, Hanen and Makaton were and how to use them.

Then there’s the emotional journey – as we have bonded with LML.

We had to get to know this stranger, who has now become the centre of our life. It didn’t happen overnight. We’ve had to work at it, grow and develop the relationship. If you asked Grumpy Mum when she felt that she had bonded with LML, when she felt that she was really ours, then she would say that it was the day we adopted LML. Which is such a symbolic gesture and didn’t take place until 15 months after LML had came home. For Crap Dad it was sitting on the settee, at something like 6am one morning, with LML snuggled up on my lap watching cbeebies; again well over a year after she came home. Adoption, for us certainly, didn’t mean love at first sight. How could it have been? It was something special but it wasn’t that deep and emotional bond. It had to develop with time and care.

We are aware that LML has had to, and will continue to have to, deal with a sense of loss. The loss of her birth parents and her foster carers. When she came home to us there was this look of confusion which would cross her face regularly and this lasted for months. It’s not there now but it was clear that she felt disconnected from everything she knew.

Adoption certainly is a journey which will continue to enthrall and surprise us as we continue along its path.



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